I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
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