I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
