I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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