am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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