Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
