The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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