Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
my liver is dry heaving
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
