i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
