I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
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