I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Come share oat with me in your robe
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
