Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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