First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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