All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
