Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Randomize
