turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
