so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
