I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
