nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I believe in your delicious
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
