I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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