just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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