the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize