Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
