I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
