I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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