Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
