yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
