just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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