Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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