Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
