i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
