you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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