Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Enjoy the penises
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
