the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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