I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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