Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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