He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
