Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
