Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
