Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
