I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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