I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
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He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
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thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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