That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
