absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
