I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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