This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
