you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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