dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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