drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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