She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize