She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
