i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
