dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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