We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
