Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
