I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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