You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
