why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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