do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
