Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
