Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Randomize
