So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
