Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
