How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
