Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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