If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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