Im at strip club and am horny
my phone needs a breathalizer
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
