This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
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As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
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All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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