I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
