i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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