i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
where does the pee come out of this thing
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I supernannyed him into submission
He did a backflip because drugs
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