he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
