Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
