you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
