it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Sponge bath it is.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
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I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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