worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
